Two Chaps - Many Cultures

Showing Appreciation Across Cultures. How we show it, and how we like to receive it.

• Christian Höferle and Brett Parry • Season 1 • Episode 10

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How we show love for the work of others is not the same around the world. The way we recognize and reward the efforts of team members needs to take cultural differences into account. While words of affirmation work well in Brazil and China, the best way to show appreciation in Türkiye and Thailand is through acts of service. So let's look at the "love languages" of appreciation at work. 

Here's a link to the study we reference in the video: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/happybytes/202404/surprising-ways-different-cultures-want-to-be-appreciated 

𝙏𝙬𝙤 𝘾𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙨 – 𝙈𝙖𝙣𝙮 𝘾𝙪𝙡𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙚𝙨 is the world’s #1 show on the business of culture and the culture of business. Christian Höferle and Brett Parry ponder culture in short bursts and deep dives, featuring your questions and comments related to culture, business, and personal growth.

Be sure to check out and subscribe to our YouTube channel for even more great content: https://www.youtube.com/@TwoChapsManyCultures

Visit https://theculturemastery.com/ for more information about the skills for working in a global context.

The music on this episode is provided courtesy of Sepalot.
“Duum Diip” - Artist: Sepalot - Label: Eskapaden - Copyright control



Speaker 1:

You may have heard this before If you love what you do, you never work a day in your life. That may or may not be true. You still go to work. And the way we show love for our work and the way our work gets appreciated, that may not be the same everywhere around the world. So let's look at the love languages, the appreciation styles at work, because they're not the same around the globe. Let's dig into that.

Speaker 2:

Welcome to 2Chap's Many Cultures. In an increasingly globally connected world, it is vital to possess the essential skills of cultural intelligence.

Speaker 1:

Listen along as we present the topics, tips and strategies you can use to develop the power of cultural understanding in your personal and professional life.

Speaker 2:

Here are your hosts, christian Huffala and Brett Parry. Welcome back to another episode of Two Chaps Many Cultures, where too much culture is barely enough, and we might suggest that too much thanks isn't barely enough, and that's what we're going to talk about today. But before we do, we would appreciate it absolutely, give you an immense amount of thanks if you subscribe, hit the button, ring the bell and, you know, check us out. Every week. We do this every week. We turn up and we just obloviate about random topics that we think we know things about and we would love to hear your feedback.

Speaker 2:

Don't forget also our podcast. That's uh, that's also another way of listening. So, appreciation how do we show appreciation? How do we show that the people around us that are working for us or with us are valued for their work? It's an important topic and as we get to work with many people around the globe from different cultures, we see that their motivations or maybe even their observations of the new culture that they've landed in and how it wants appreciation displayed, may be a little bit off-putting. So let's think about some of those things, shall we? So how do you like to be appreciated, mate?

Speaker 1:

Well, send me a paycheck once in a while. That would be a good start, wouldn't it?

Speaker 2:

You mean show me the money, like our episode a few weeks ago.

Speaker 1:

Maybe, and I think this is a critical distinction. So when we talk about appreciation for work, of course everybody who goes into work or has gainful employment wants the gain to be substantial enough for them to pay their bills. So when we talk about how people want to be appreciated, we're not talking about payment structures or compensation structures. That is something that the markets usually handle. It's most free economies have a way to collectively bargain over that or find solutions to how does work get remunerated?

Speaker 1:

What we're talking about here is how do people stay engaged at the workplace?

Speaker 1:

How do we make sure that we show them the love, show them respect and recognition for their performance in a way that it actually lands the way we want it to, that they can receive it in a way that keeps employees engaged, that keeps them in a working relationship that they find not only financially beneficial but also makes them feel that they're in the right place, and that is apparently not the same everywhere we go in the world. Right, and there are studies that help us unpack this a little more. In combination with cultural comparison frameworks that we use frequently in our work, brett and I and we came across some work that I think is quite informative and blends well with the other frameworks we have been using in our years of experience. So, brett, how would you say, just from your anecdotal experience of having worked and lived in your home country of Australia, but also in China and now here in the US You've worked and lived in Poland as well how have you noticed that appreciation styles for work are different or not different?

Speaker 2:

Well, I've had the good honor, of course, of owning and running businesses in different places, and that is one of the differences in the impact that I saw, of course, moving from Australia to the US, so to your point, even just between two cultures on the surface that look very much the same the motivation, how I encourage employees and how I gave thanks to them. You know, I was blindsided by not knowing that and I learned very quickly. I had to adjust my radar when it came to that. Quickly, I had to adjust my radar when it came to that.

Speaker 2:

So, yes, back in Australia there was a lot of kind of, I guess, that mateship type of let's collaborate, let's get together, let's you know we're all in the same side. Here it tends to be more of a collectivist approach, we and us. Here in the US it was much more individualistic. Again, not wrong or right, it's just the way that people were motivated when they showed up to work. They wanted to be praised, oftentimes in public, so the praise was usually communicated in a wider audience so that those people not only felt that they were validated, but it became also a tool to encourage and have somebody to look up to. Yeah, you look like Brett.

Speaker 1:

Brett did great, so this is your role model right.

Speaker 2:

That's the role model, whereas you know my country, with the tall poppy syndrome, we're kind of uncomfortable with public praise. We would rather just, you know, add a boy. You know, let me buy you a beer one day, and and that'll be great. Um, so yes, that that's fundamentally like one really stark difference in two cultures that, on the surface, are very much the same. So then, the study that christian alludes to here is, looking at these.

Speaker 2:

It's kind of around the language which suggests that it's all communication, but in many ways, it's not just communication, but it's also leadership style. So how a leader might spend time, or give resources, offer that time to be able to gather all the resources to help make their employees successful, help the outcome to be positive. And the other side of the coin being, no, just empower me, give me the recognition, the trust, and leave me alone. Don't come back and check on me. I will come to you with questions if I want to, but other than that, if you check on me all the time, I'm going to think that's micromanaging and that can be demotivating.

Speaker 1:

Well, that will be true for my experience right In my native culture. Too much of micromanaging would have sent the message to me that I'm not doing my job properly. So the study we're referring to is based on the work of two psychologists, one being Dr Gary Chapman, who a lot of people know for his work around the five love languages, which are more focused on personal interrelationship, personal relationships, couples how do we show love to our love and life partners? And there are five of these love languages. And his colleague Paul White and Dr Chapman. Together they expanded that concept into the workplace.

Speaker 1:

How do we show appreciation at work? Using these five love languages? And those are, for those of you who are not familiar with that work, words of affirmation. So we're expressing praise and gratitude through verbal or written means, such as maybe a thank you note or, as Brett said earlier, public acknowledgement hey, employee of the week, month, year, here is your special bonus. And ding ding ding, everybody salute the, the super performer. That would be words of affirmation. That's one love language. Another one is quality time, which means in the work context, we are dedicating a focused and undivided attention to someone to make them feel seen and heard and valued. For example, he would take a teammate out to lunch or buy them a beer or check in on their work and have a chat with them and give them one-on-one time, even across hierarchical levels, perhaps even right. And another love language is providing acts of service, such as helping someone with their workload or making their workload easier, providing resources, reassigning team members to a certain task for a particular timeframe in order to facilitate a easier, smoother task completion. So basically displaying that I care about my team members, that I support my employees and act as their servant leader.

Speaker 1:

Another love language would be giving gifts, providing tangible items. They might be personalized, they might be small symbols, even of appreciation that go beyond the contractually agreed upon rewards and remuneration packages. So basically giving somebody something, or number five in the languages would be physical touch in the romantic relationships. That would refer to intimacy at work. We usually don't do that. I mean, there might be lines of work where that might be part of the job description, but typically it's not. So physical touch would be a you see this very much in individualistic and egalitarian cultures of high fives or group hugs and huddles or handshakes or fist bumps or anything that symbolizes and signalizes hey, I give you that, albeit brief touch, physical touch, to show you did great and I see what you did and it is fantastic. So those are the five love languages that actually translate very well from the romantic side of relationships to workplace dynamics.

Speaker 1:

Now, the study that we stumbled upon took it upon itself to look at how these love languages are preferred in seven different cultural areas that the study picked. One was China, mandarin speaking Asia. One was Thailand. One was Brazilian Portuguese language zone. One was Turkey, or Turkiye Forgive me, I think that's how we say it properly now in English Turkiye. We looked at, or the study looked at, french-speaking Canada, the Spanish language world and the Danish language world, and the findings were, to a certain degree, surprising, wouldn't you agree, brad?

Speaker 2:

I looked at the Danish because I just happened to be at the moment working with Danish companies, danish people, and I often relate this surprise for me because my perception of the Danish culture was that perhaps a little bit more independent and the way that we do business might be more transactional and therefore say virtual training might be actually a preferred platform for them to do it. Let's set a time, let's do it, let's get out. I was very much surprised, and I think this chart kind of brings it out is that this spending time, this in personal space, sharing the personal space with Danish people, is something? If you give them the choice, they go. You know what actually I prefer that and then so it really talks to that. Is that I?

Speaker 2:

It changed my perception of what I thought was a stereotype of a particular culture until you get underneath the surface that that is a fundamental driving force between what makes them feel validated. And now that I get to spend a lot of time in personal spaces with these folks, you can see that that comes out and when they move to certain cultures that are not like that, that don't put that kind of value on that type of space sharing, they often comment on that and say how can I? So then? What is it as me, as a leader? How can I motivate the people around me now? And then we just obviously go to the tangible things and the strategies they can use.

Speaker 1:

I think it's interesting and, as you see, as you look at that chart, you only see four love languages collected here in the chart. Didn't I just talk about five? Well, physical touch is something. Workplace can be quite a touchy literally a touchy topic. So that is not something that the study spent too much focus on. What I think is remarkable?

Speaker 1:

That, first of all, the giving of tangible gifts does not seem to be of any relevant importance in the seven cultures that were researched here, and that spending quality time with employees as a sign of showing appreciation ranks very low in cultures that are seen as collectivistic and, may I add, also very often are quite hierarchical. So you look at China, you look at Thailand, you look at Brazil and even in Turkey, which these are all not only collectivist cultures, they are also cultures with a strong power distance, where it's perfectly accepted and that is the societal normal that some people have more power and influence than others. So there is an unequal distribution of decision-making authority, decision-making authority. So in those cultures, spending quality time with your boss may not be something you see as a sign of appreciation. That may actually be a sign of intimidation because, wow, now the person who has authority over me, wants to single me out of the group and spend time with me, or wants to single us as a team out over another team. That would mean that we the balance in the collectivistic nature of our organization would be out of, out of whack. And how do I maintain my, my formality, my deference to the higher up in such a one-on-one or one-on-team quality time situation?

Speaker 1:

That might make people feel quite uncomfortable in these cultures, whereas in more egalitarian and more individualistic cultures like Denmark, like French-speaking Canada, quality time is very much a good way to show appreciation to your team members, right. So as a leader, as an organization, you will find yourself, when you work with multicultural teams, when you work in an organization where you have different locations with different cultures represented in your employee structure, that a one-size-fits-all appreciation motivation strategy is not going to work. It's not going to cut it. You will have to customize it, to have to customize it to whomever you are working with in your company. And does that make it a little bit more time consuming? Do you have to think about that a little bit more, brett? What do you think?

Speaker 2:

Well, absolutely Well, time. This is interesting. When you were saying that, I can see somebody challenging us and saying but hang on, collectivist cultures. You talk about, in collectivist cultures, the importance of building relationship, building trust, credibility, and it doesn't that take, you know, spending time with people. But no, just listen to what Christian said, it's the power distance we have to be aware of in that situation.

Speaker 2:

Certainly, in collectivist cultures, actually spending time not just outside of work and things like that is maybe not even appropriate with your boss. However, they might spend more time with you at work, giving you the resources, as that other language we touch on right. They are there as success cheering partners. They want to give you the resources, they want to be available to you and they use their power, they use their hierarchy to make sure that they're tapping, they're using their network to support you and your success. So you know, it's a nuance, it's something we often have to explain, because oftentimes it can be seen that we're talking at both sides of our mouth, which is maybe sometimes what we do can be seen that we're talking at both sides of our mouth, which is maybe sometimes what we do.

Speaker 1:

Certainly not, I totally agree. But as you look at those numbers and I think those are quite supportive of the frameworks that we've been using for a while If you look at how important words of affirmation are for collectivist cultures because if the boss who is higher up the food chain or higher up the totem pole is giving you verbal acknowledgement of your performance, that carries some weight, that carries a lot more weight coming from quote unquote up top, as compared to an egalitarian structure where your bosses appear right. Well, if they say something nice about your work, it yep, sure, still feels good. Does it carry the same weight? Probably not. Look at the numbers right, it's in the 36, 37 percentage areas in the individualistic cultures, whereas it's in China and in Brazil it's way above 50, 55, 60 percent, even right, where words of affirmation mean a lot.

Speaker 1:

This is how you get people to to respond positively to that as a yes. The boss said I did well, great, I want to do more of that. So I feel seen, I feel recognized. Now I want to keep trying just as hard, or even harder, so knowing how to get the best out of your people, not exploiting them, getting the best of them to help them reach the peak of their performance, of the peak of their ability. That is an important leadership quality and I think this is what this connects to.

Speaker 1:

When we said earlier it's not about the money. Yes, show me the money is important too, but these are showing appreciation for your team. So you, as a leader, are doing the best for your company, for your team, to make them perform at the highest possible level. And, yes, money will get them to come to work. But how engaged are they? Are they really going to bend over backwards to get that word of affirmation, to get that quality time or to get that act of service that is important to them in different ways depending on which cultural background they have?

Speaker 2:

absolutely well, I've just got one more thing to say. My friend, I appreciate you, I appreciate you very much. Your gift is in the mail, your present is in the mail what did you say earlier?

Speaker 1:

I'll buy you a beer, mite. Isn't that enough? Do you want to rip the letter?

Speaker 2:

that usually works too. You're speaking my language.

Speaker 1:

You speak my love language, man as long as it's not physical touch, I'm willing to adjust. That's right.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, we will compartmentalize that with other relationships we may have in our lives. Well, that's it. We want to certainly hear from you what is your idea of good appreciation and gratitude shown to you, and how do you pass it on to others? How do you encourage this can, as we talked about, it can be practiced every day with your intimate partner, it can be practiced with your children, it can be practiced with your parents, and so on and so forth. So think about that, as you are speaking not just your literal language, but also your emotional languages as you turn up in the world. So again, a reminder to check that subscription button, hit the bell so that you get a reminder and you're informed of the latest episode, which comes out every week. We do this every week because we love it and we want you to also give us your feedback. Tell us.

Speaker 1:

We want you to appreciate it, maybe.

Speaker 2:

We appreciate it Absolutely. Two chaps, many cultures we're barely too much. Culture is barely enough. I almost got that back to front and, yes, too much culture is barely enough. And we will see you in the next episode. Bye-bye now, thank you very much. Thank you very much for your kind donation. Thank you very much. Thank you very much for your kind donation. Thank you very much. Maybe, moving on, see you.